


thats... thats kinda gay.

by whoredan



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: ?? - Freeform, Crack, Humor, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, chat fic, im not that funny, lots of gays, more tags will be added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-08
Updated: 2016-11-27
Packaged: 2018-08-29 20:28:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8504278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whoredan/pseuds/whoredan
Summary: hoekawa added okei, Kurhoe, gucci, Hoenata, Hoenamaki.exe, die-shou, Sugawara, tendou, ushi sushi, semi to your uke, kin-die-chi, nishihoeya, ryuuhoesuke, and bokuthoe to the chat. hajime: god fucking dammit





	1. thats kinda gay

**Author's Note:**

> hey hey hey  
> i dont have much to say  
> so just  
> enjoy my non humor  
> (this is based off my haikyuu kik group chat, which is filled w people who i love very much so if any of them are reading this then hello ilyyyyy)

**hoekawa added hajime to the chat.**

 

**hoekawa added tobio to the chat.**

 

hoekawa: what’s up, peasants

 

hajime: The sky

 

tobio: Not my grades?

 

hoekawa: gdi

 

hajime: More like go die

 

hoekawa: im

 

hoekawa: im hurt, iwachan.

 

hajime: Good.

 

tobio: rekt

 

hoekawa: please never say that again

 

hajime: Please never say that again.

 

**hoekawa added okei, Kurhoe, gucci, Hoenata, Hoenamaki.exe, die-shou, Sugawara, tendou, ushi sushi, semi to your uke, kin-die-chi, nishihoeya, ryuuhoesuke, and bokuthoe to the chat.**

 

hajime: god fucking dammit

 

hoekawa: language!!

 

hajime: Japanese??

 

Kurhoe: that’s

 

Kurhoe: that’s kinda gay.

 

hoekawa: i

 

Hoenamaki.exe: what the fuck is up my dudes

 

hajime: the sky

 

tobio: not my grades

 

hoekawa: my anxiety

 

hoekawa: i mean uh

 

Sugawara: Oh hi!!

 

hoekawa: koUCHAN

 

Sugawara: ^^ Hi, again!!

 

hajime: i’m never gonna understand how you two are friends.

 

Sugawara: Oh, you’d be surprised as to how much we have in common.

 

hoekawa: it’s always the pretty ones that are the most evil :)

 

Sugawara: Mhm.

 

hajime: neither of you are pretty.

 

Sugawara: I may smile all the time, honey, but I’ve got a mean fucking backhand, and I’m not afraid to use it on your ugly ass.

 

okei: jesus christ

 

Sugawara: hehe ^^

 

Hoenata: Oooh, what’s this??

 

tobio: what does it look like dumbass

 

Hoenata: …

 

Hoenata: _Oooh, what’s this??_

 

hoekawa: its a group chat

 

Hoenata: OH, fun!!

 

tobio: sigh

 

gucci: oh,,

 

hoekawa: hi gucci!!

 

gucci: oh, hi, tooru!

 

Kurhoe: tf how come he gets to call you tooru

 

hoekawa: because he’s part of the squad

 

hajime: “the squad”

 

hoekawa: yes

 

hoekawa: its me, joy han, and gucci and we all spend hours just

 

hoekawa: fawning over boyfriends

 

Sugawara: joy han

 

hoekawa: fuck

 

**Sugawara has changed his name to joy han.**

 

hoekawa: whY

 

joy han: :)

 

hajime: joy han

 

tobio: joy han

 

Hoenata: joy han

 

Kurhoe: joy han

 

okei: joy han

 

hoekawa:  s t o p

 

hajime: …

 

gucci: joy han

 

hoekawa: fuCK

 

Hoenamaki.exe: joy han

 

hoekawa: ST O P

 

joy han: Oh my god

 

ushi sushi: you should have come  to shiratorizawa

 

hoekawa: why did i invite you into this chat

 

ushi sushi: because you know i’m the ace you really want ;)

 

hajime: fuck off

 

hoekawa: what

 

ushi sushi: just kidding

 

ushi sushi: your pride would get in the way

 

hoekawa: jesus cjrist we had this conversation like five episodes ago let it go

 

ushi sushi: cjrist

 

hajime: cjrist

 

Kurhoe: cjrist

 

hoekawa: STOP

 

okei: is no one going to point out the fact that oikawa refers to his life in episodes

 

hajime: oh god

 

nishihoeya: HEY HEY HEY

 

bokuthoe: HEY HEY HEEEEEY

 

Kurhoe: HEY HEY HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY

 

bokuthoe: dont test me bro

 

Kurhoe: bro :’(

 

bokuthoe: im sorry br o

 

Kurhoe: it’s okay b r o

 

hoekawa: i regret every life decision i’ve ever made that led me here

 

hoekawa: iwa take the wheel

 

Hoenamaki.exe: take iT FROM MY HANDS

 

Kurhoe: CAUSE I CANT DO THIS ON MY OWN

 

bokuthoe: IM LETTING GOOOO

 

hoekawa: jesus fucking christ

 

ushi sushi: do you regret not coming to shiratorizawa

 

hoekawa: god fucking damn it

 

hajime: stOP BLASHPHEMING YOU SHIT

 

hoekawa: fuCK OF F

 

Hoenamaki.exe: dont say it

 

Hoenamaki.exe: dont say it

 

Hoenamaki.exe: …

 

Hoenamaki.exe: fu C K O N

 

hoekawa: gdi

 

hajime: more like go die

 

hoekawa: iM GONNA NOOSE IT BYE

 

hajime: wait no

 

hajime: you’re not allowed to die tf

 

hoekawa: awwww

 

hoekawa: iwachan cares about me~

 

Hoenamaki.exe: Thats

 

kin-die-chi: That’s kinda gay.

 

**hoekawa has changed the group chat name to “becky can u not”.**

 

**hoekawa has changed the group picture.**

 

Kurhoe: is that an old man

 

bokuthoe: no

 

kin-die-chi: dont do it

 

die-shou: im a virgin

 

Kurhoe: you are anything but a virgin you fucking snake

 

die-shou: you would kno w

 

Kurhoe: fuck y o u

 

die-shou: fuck m e

 

okei: Tetsu no.

 

gucci: Tetsu n o

 

Kurhoe: sry m8ey i got 2 bfs w8in 4 me

 

okei: Bye

 

Kurhoe: tsukki n o

 

Kurhoe: i was kiddin g

 

Kurhoe: kei come back pls ily

 

okei: …

 

okei: fine

 

gucci: what a tsundere

 

okei: I’m not a tsundere

 

hajime: r u sure about that

 

hoekawa: if iwachan of all people thinks you’re tsundere, then you definitely are

 

hajime: what is that supposed to mean

 

joy han: It means you’re a tsundere.

 

hajime: i am not???

 

hoekawa: r u sure about that

 

hajime: fuck off

 

hoekawa: makki dont even fucking think about it

 

hoekawa: thats copyrighted material

 

Hoenamaki.exe: fu** **

 

hoekawa: …

 

hoekawa: fine jfc

 

Kurhoe: kfc

 

okei: i want kfc

 

Kurhoe: i’ll buy you some

 

okei: pl s

 

gucci: get some for me too!!

 

Kurhoe: okei

 

okei: okei

 

gucci: okei

 

hoekawa: you fucking dweebs


	2. the hoe squad

hoekawa: hey hey peasants

 

okei: peasants

 

hoekawa: yes

 

Hoenata: It’s because I call him the grand king

 

Hajime: he let it get to his head didn’t he

 

tobio: yes

 

hoekawa: i came out here to have a good time and im honestly feeling so ttacked rn

 

Hoenamaki.exe: ttacked

 

hoekawa: doNT

 

Kurhoe: ttacked

 

bokuthoe: ttacked

 

joy han: ttacked

 

hoekawa: what’s that i smell, you ask

 

hoekawa: betRAYAL;;

 

joy han: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

hoekawa: tf dont you ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ me

 

Hajime: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

hoekawa: hoe

 

**hoekawa has changed Hajime’s name to hoejime.**

 

hoejime: …

 

Hoenata: Oh

 

okei: rip tooru

 

Kurhoe: he dead

 

gucci: totally

 

hoekawa: i wholeheartedly accept my death

 

hoekawa: kill me, iwachan.

 

ryuuhoesuke: what kind of kinky shit

 

nishihoeya: i dont even know

 

ushi sushi: this wouldn’t have happened if you had come to shiratorizawa

 

hoekawa: s a y o t  h e r t h i n g s

 

ushi sushi: other things

 

hoekawa: fukc yuo

 

hoejime” fukc yuo

 

Kurhoe: fukc yuo

 

hoekawa: s t o p

 

hoekawa: i stg

 

hoekawa: fucking heathens

 

gucci: *dabs at ¾ speed*

 

Kurhoe: all my friends are wheat thins take it slow

 

okei: im dating two memes

 

okei: save me

 

Kurhoe: hoe you love us

 

gucci: You love us, Tsukki, shut up

 

okei: fine

 

**Kurhoe has changed okei’s name to Tsuhoe.**

 

Tsuhoe: that doesnt even fit?? smdh

 

gucci: Why do most of us have hoe-related names?

 

hoejime: We’re very enthusiastic about gardening tools.

 

ryuuhoesuke: we’re all hoes

 

hoekawa: why not

 

gucci: i diDNT NEED THAT MANY REASONS

 

hoekawa: we’re missing people

 

hoekawa: a lot of people

 

hoekawa: brb

 

Tsuhoe: ok??

 

Kurhoe: okei

 

gucci: okei

 

Tsuhoe: it doesn’t w o r k anymore because SOMEONE *cough cough* changed my name

 

Kurhoe: babe pls dont be mad

 

Tsuhoe: i’m not?? mad??

 

gucci: Your unnecessary punctuation will be the death of me, Tsukki

 

Tsuhoe: don t d i e

 

**hoekawa has added Keiji, Terushimhoe, Daichi, jesus child, yahabean, hoetani, Ennoshita, hoerisuke, Leg, kenma, tendhoe, shiraBOO, yamamohoe, kiyoko, [ y a c h i ], and issei**

 

kenma: why

 

hoerisuke: why

 

Leg: Oh hi!

 

Kuhoe: no

 

kenma: no

 

hoerisuke: maybe

 

Leg: TT

 

Keiji: What… What is this?

 

hoekawa: group chat

 

joy han: for the volleyball people

 

tobio: Even the ones Oikawa hates

 

kenma: oh fun.

 

**kenma has left the chat**

 

Kurhoe: hoe.

 

**Kurhoe has added kenma to the chat**

 

kenma: end my suffering.

 

nishihoeya: jesuis child

 

ryuuhoesuke: jesuis

 

Kurhoe: jesuis

 

Terushimhoe: Hon hon hon baguette

 

hoekawa: une ladybug

 

hoejime: Quit bringing your shitty kid shows into this

 

hoekawa: i smell betrayal

 

joy han: ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

kiyoko: oh

 

kiyoko: this is

 

kiyoko: kind of gay

 

ryuuhoesuke: i

 

ryuuhoesuke: i did not expect

 

nishihoeya: kiyokoooooooooooo

 

kiyoko: nope

 

[ y a c h i ]: boi you get your paws off my gf

 

[ y a c h i ]: i mean uh

 

[ y a c h i ]: who wants brownies

 

Tsuhoe: did you

 

Tsuhoe: did you actually make brownies

 

[ y a c h i ]: possibly??

 

Tsuhoe: b r i n g

 

[ y a c h i ]: bring w h e r e 

 

Tsuhoe: p r a c t i c e

 

gucci: He has been awakened

 

jesus child: What is this?

 

hoekawa: group chat

 

joy han: volleyball

 

hoekawa: god im getting tired of explaining this

 

hoejime: You say two words.

 

hoekawa: you shut up

 

hoejime: K.

 

Tsuhoe: oh my god

 

gucci: RIP

 

Kurhoe: he dead

 

hoerisuke: he just gor “k”ed oh god

 

ryuuhoesuke: When’s the funeral tho

 

tobio: i’ll make sure to wear all pink instead of black

 

hoejime: he’d probably want people to dress in pink for his funeral honestly

 

hoekawa: wrong

 

nishihoeya: what are you, donald trump

 

_ (too soon? probs) _

 

hoekawa: ouch

 

hoekawa: no but i’d want people to dress in like,,

 

hoekawa: a subtle lime green

 

Leg: “subtle”

 

jesus child: Doesn’t seem very subtle

 

hoekawa: that’s the joke ya dingus

 

hoejime: K.

 

hoekawa: beyonce wouldnt treat me like this


	3. out of bees

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh yeah so  
> ushioiiwa is a thing now
> 
> yeeT ENJOY

hoekawa: im bored, can someone send me puns

 

hoekawa: google is not helping my conquest

 

Kurhoe: I’m not an Atom, I can’t think positive today.

 

Tsuhoe: Tetsu, you fucking nerd.

 

hoekawa: of course you’d send science puns

 

hoekawa: also, atoms have neutral charges. protons are the ones w the positive charge.

 

Kurhoe: WAit

 

Kurhoe: YEA

 

Kurhoe: PROTONS

 

hoekawa: y a d i n g u s

 

Kurhoe: FUCK I FORGOT

 

Hoenata: a positively charged atom is a cation you dingus

 

hoekawa: i out scIENCED YO U

 

Tsuhoe: Tooru, you fucking nerd.

 

hoekawa: im a nerd at hear t

 

Hoenata: I’m just a hoe for scuencr

 

Kurhoe: scuencr

 

hoerisuke: scuencr

 

Leg: yOU EXIST

 

hoerisuke: yes i exist you saw me yesterday wym

 

Leg: in the ch A T

 

hoerisuke: ok yes i exist???

 

Leg: ily

 

hoerisuke: ok ily too

 

Kurhoe: thats

 

Kurhoe: that’s kind of gay

 

Tsuhoe: I don’t know if I can accept this.

 

Tsuhoe: I am a straight white Christian cis male from Texas.

 

Tsuhoe: Make America Great Again

 

hoekawa: you have two boyfriends

 

ushi sushi: so do you

 

hoejime: So do you??

 

hoekawa: i never s ai d i did n t

 

Keiji: what the heck is scuencr

 

Hoenata: scIENCE.

 

**Keiji has changed the group name to scuencr.**

 

Hoenata: I’m being attacked

 

hoekawa: we love you hina

 

**Keiji has changed the group name to we loVE YOU HINATA - the scuencr squad**

 

hoekawa: thE SUENCR SQUAD

 

tobio: i got up at three am to write this so i’m gonna share it with you guys

 

tobio: everyone @ hinata: this kid is so smol he cannot play the volleybolls

         hinata: jumpy jump

         everyone: o shiT

 

hoekawa: tru

 

Kurhoe: who wants a lap dance

 

hoekawa: im leaving goodbye

 

Kurhoe: *twerktwer* yasss gurll

 

bokuthoe: ay fam im gay hmu with that lap dance *kms*

 

Keiji: Kou, no.

 

bokuthoe: aw ok

 

hoekawa: so long, farewell, auf wiedersehen goodbye

 

Kurhoe: *lap dance*

 

hoejime: thats fucking cringey

 

hoekawa: it’s fucking cringy that you spell it with an e

 

hoejime: fuck off

 

hoekawa: sayonara

 

Kurhoe: mayonara

 

\---

 

hoekawa: guYS IM WHEEX E

 

hoejime: dONT YOU FUCKING DARE.

 

Kurhoe: DARE

 

ushi sushi: whaTS GOING ON

 

hoekawa: so im in PM with iwachan right

 

hoekawa: and he says, and i qUOTE

 

hoekawa: “As John Cedar once said: Are you sure about that?”

 

hoejime: sh u t  u p

 

Tsuhoe: John Cedar

 

Keiji: John Cedar

 

hoekawa: iwaizumi, very wow, such smart.

 

Tsuhoe: Tooru-san please do not bring back that meme.

 

hoekawa: :))))

 

hoekawa: iwaizumi

 

hoekawa: very wow

 

hoekawa: such smart

 

Tsuhoe: Stop

 

Kurhoe: John Cedar

 

hoejime: i’ll log out, dont test me you trench

 

hoekawa: NONONONONO

 

hoekawa: IM SOTR U

 

hoejime: h e h

 

hoekawa: SOTR Y

 

hoekawa: SORR Y

 

hoejime: very wow.

 

hoejime: much smart.

 

hoekawa: shuT THE FUCK UO

 

hoekawa: UP

 

hoejime: smh

 

hoekawa: i cant braht

 

hoekawa: bread

 

Keiji: Braht

 

hoekawa: brest

 

hoekawa: breasy

 

Hoenata: easy, breezy, beautiful

 

Hoenata: COVERGIRL

 

hoekawa: coveRHIRL

 

Keiji: coverhirl

 

Hoenata: hiRL

 

Kurhoe: HIRL

 

Tsuhoe: Coverswirl

 

hoekawa: i hatE YOU ALK

 

Hoenata: ALK

 

Kurhoe: ALK

 

hoekawa: FUCK I THIUGHT I SORKLED THST TICE

 

_ (translation: fuck, i thought i spelled that right) _

 

Kurhoe: pFFT

 

Tsuhoe: sorkled thst tice

 

hoekawa: i hate yo u

 

**Kurhoe has changed the group name to sorkled thst tice.**

 

hoekawa: cNf breath i

 

_ (translation: i can’t breathe) _

 

hoekawa: i’m out of bresd

 

hoekawa: bees

 

hoekawa: im out of bees

 

hoejime: be e s

 

ushi sushi: you okay there

 

hoekawa: nO, CAN’T YOU STELLD IM OUT OF BEESD

 

Tsuhoe: Tooru makes more typos when he’s stressed or laughing so which one is it

 

hoekawa: i canfield bees

 

Keiji: There’s 64 genders that can stress him out.

 

Kurhoe: Akaashi did you just

 

hoekawa: do yUO A SSIMR IMY GENDER

 

**Kurhoe has changed the group name to “do yUO A SSIMR IMY GENDER” -Tooru Oikawa**

 

Hoenata: St o p

 

hoekawa: aShurbYP

 

hoekawa: SHUT UP*

 

Hoenata: aShurbYP

 

hoekawa: BEYONCE WOULDNT TREAT ME LIKE THIS

 

joy han: well shit

 

hoekawa: kOUSHI JELP ME

 

Tsuhoe: He’s stressed

 

hoekawa: im not straaesseD IM LAUGHIGN

 

**joy han sent a picture.**

 

_ (the picture is of a goose) _

 

hoekawa: why

 

hoekawa: why do you have a picture of a duck.

 

Tsuhoe: that’s a goose.

 

hoekawa: wait fuck

 

Kurhoe: wh

 

Kurhoe: why

 

\---

 

ushi sushi: thats a nice ham you got there

 

hoekawa: wjhat

 

ushi sushi: it would be a shame if someone put an s at the front and an e at the end

 

hoejime: I m

 

hoekawa: w H Y

 

**hoekawa sent a picture.**

 

_ (the picture is of bokuto with akaashi’s hair) _

 

hoekawa: is this akaashi with bokuto’s face or bokuto with akaashi’s hair

 

ushi sushi: yes

 

hoekawa: what do you mean yes

 

hoejime: Maybe

 

hoekawa: what does thAT MEAN

 

ushi sushi: it means

 

ushi sushi: y e s

 

hoejime: …

 

hoekawa: why u …

 

hoejime: …

 

hoekawa: iwachan

 

ushi sushi: …

 

hoejime: …

 

hoekawa: wAKA

 

hoekawa: IWA

 

hoejime: …

 

ushi sushi: wak

 

ushi sushi: …

 

hoekawa: ???

 

hoejime: …

 

hoekawa: ???

 

ushi sushi: …

 

hoekawa: ???

 

ushi sushi: i have something very important to tell you.

 

ushi sushi: im                              gay

 

hoejime: .        .        .

 

_ (every picture that is sent by oiks after this is the same as he sent earlier) _

 

**hoekawa sent a picture.**

 

hoekawa: w ow

 

hoejime: Out of everyone else, you chose h i m

 

**hoekawa sent a picture.**

 

hoekawa: i didnt even click that picture what the fuck

 

**hoekawa sent a picture.**

 

hoekawa: whY DOES IT KEEP SENDIND

 

Tsuhoe: PFFT

 

Tsuhoe: OHY GKD

 

hoejime: I WEWHZWS

 

**hoekawa sent a picture.**

 

hoekawa: WHAT IS HAPPENING

 

Tsuhoe: WHEEZE   
  


ushi sushi: WHEEZ E

 

**hoekawa sent a picture.**

 

hoekawa: OKAY WHY THE FUCK DOES THE PICTURE KEEP SENDING H E L P ME

 

hoejime: I CABT BRATGE

 

Kurhoe: close the app n reopen it

 

\---

 

hoekawa: bratge

 

hoekawa: IM FREE   
  


hoekawa: okay now that i’m free i need to see if this will work

 

hoejime: what

 

hoekawa: ouI OUI, MON AMIE, JE M’APPELLE LAFAYETTE

 

Tsuhoe: thE LANCELOT OF THE REVOLUTIONARY SET

 

hoekawa: it w o rk e d

 

Tsuhoe: damn it

 

\---

 

ushi sushi: I’m in love with volleyball. Ever since i had my first experience with volleyball, my whole life had been different. when i found out the feelings were mutual, i was so happy! we were both ready to take our relationship to the next step.

 

I sleep with my favorite volleyball every night. Some may say i’m way too dedicated, but that’s just what i think love is. Sometimes i get mad at my volleyball when my team loses, but we always make up.

 

i love volleyball so much, not just because i’m good at it, but because it loves me back. i’m honestly so grateful for what volleyball has done for me.

 

volleyball helped me meet my teammates. volleyball said i could fuck all of them, and volleyball wouldn’t get mad. volleyball doesn’t get mad because if it makes me happy, then it’s happy.

 

volleyball makes me feel loved and needed. i feel right at home when i’m with volleyball. i always talk to my favorite volleyball if i ever need any help.

 

i’m just honestly so grateful. thank you, volleyball, for loving me, because i love you too.

 

hoejime: what

 

hoekawa: whEEZE

 

Tsuhoe: what in the name of john laurens

 

hoekawa: Kei, you fucking nerd.

**Author's Note:**

> thank for reading


End file.
